


It's Just a Car

by chad



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Car Accidents, Gen, Humor, One Shot, a different take on how the summoner(me) and anna meet for the first time, i hit somebody with my car, i introduce the world of feh to my car, kinda crack kinda not, okay so i just revised it a lil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 03:47:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chad/pseuds/chad
Summary: I'm trying to drive to school, minding my own gucci business. And then boom there's a flash of bright light. Now I'm in another world and I just drove into a man. I just wanted to get to my 8am sociology class on time but god hates me.





	It's Just a Car

I’m driving, that’s it. Going about 60 mph on a 55 mph maximum highway, just trying to get to school. Minding my own business, working for my degree, listening to Vocaloid covers. The gay Vocaloid covers only; this is a gay rights car. 

With the sun attempting to blind me, I readjusted my red Aliexpress heart shaped sunglasses to fight off the glare. Only about sixteen more minutes until I reach campus and start my day with my eight in the godawful morning class. Sociology is a really fun topic so there is at least motivation in waking up at six. Maybe the professor will bring his dog again. 

There’s this giant wall of light that suddenly bursts into existence. I switch lanes to hopefully avoid it. The light only follows me in retaliation. It’s hard to tell if I’m driving towards the light or if the light is coming at me. My heart stops nothingless as panic seeps into my gut.

Was I expecting to drive into a void of bright light? No. Am I prepared for what awaits me on the other side? Also no, but I’m already pumping the breaks despite the fruitlessness of the situation. 

Everything is happening way too fast for my liking, the transition is a blur. My car now slides through the giant wall of light and I lose sight of the highway. No potholes, no more trees, everything is tinged red because my sunglasses are red. I keep my grip on the steering wheel for the feeling of safety. Wherever I’m dropped off I would at least like to not spin out of control. Am I going to be dumped off somewhere? Where am I going? I press on the gas pedal but nothing seems to change with how fast the light is moving around me. The speedometer tells me I’m now going about 70 mph. Everything is bright and glaring and now I feel nausea.

The weight of the situation starts to get to me. All I can do is sit here in my car and hope for the best. Everything is quiet except for the sound of the only good english cover of Magnet by Lollia and Lizz Robert. With the world deciding to test my luck this quickly changes as my car also becomes a light show. I am trying my best to not freak out right now as my poor car does that already for me. Lights are flickering on and off, the engine is making weird noises that I do not appreciate, and my phone is making noises similar to a garbage disposal. The steering wheel becomes my lifeline.

There’s now a different color coming at me in this bright scary void of light. Wishful thinking or not maybe I will end up back on the highway. With nothing else to do I simply drive on and pass through this supposed exit. As of now the speedometer is telling me I’m going around 75 mph.

——

Trees grace my vision once more, but there is still no highway. There are however people on this not-highway. If I could throw up my heart at this point I absolutely would without hesitation. My hands are cramping with how hard I’m gripping the steering wheel. It’s incredibly painful and I will be feeling this tomorrow for sure. A red lady in white dives out of the path of destruction my car is soon to create. Everything is happening too fast, but all I care about is not swerving and flipping the car over a rock. My car flashes and beeps as it tries to warn me about pressing on the breaks too harshly on this rough terrain. There’s another group of people in front of me so I honk at them. They seemingly yell at me in response to my warning, I think. My music is back on and blaring so it is really hard to tell while I’m trying to focus on five different problems at once. I am trying really hard to not hit anybody and there’s only like four people around me. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be difficult. I am at the point of the five stages of grief, acceptance, in that this is not normal circumstances. These men in strange uniforms are running at me with weapons? Swords, axes, and spears oh jeez. 

On the verge of tears I honk the horn again while trying to drive my car away from the civilians, but they’re relentless in their pursuit. I never would have dreamed that I would hit someone full force with my car while listening to Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani. First time for everything I suppose. The man I just made contact with was, for a quick second, close enough to my face disregarding the windshield. His scream of agony was muffled by the glass and blaring music, but it was still loud enough that I can’t really choose to ignore it. The force of the impact sends him tumbling and flying over my car. I jolt as I hear the ‘shnk’ of this man’s axe hitting the roof above me. The mirrors show me his colleagues running for him, as this probably dead man lies on the floor motionless in a crumpled heap. 

“Oh my god,” is all I can say as I finally bring my car to a stop about twenty yards away from the accident. At first I considered driving off to avoid any lawsuit. Pausing to look at the attire of the men who tried to attack my car with swords; I now have my doubts that lawsuits exist wherever this place is. It’s definitely not New York, or Kansas. I don’t know what Kansas looks like. It probably isn’t whatever this is.

I am a stupid person at times due to how much I care about stupid things. I shift the gear into park, but leave the engine on for safety. My hands are still shaking as I press the unlock button on the door to allow me to exit the car. I want to know if this man I hit going above the New York state speed limit was still alive. 

Now that I’m at a normal speed for humans I can finally get a good look at my surroundings. It’s all very green, with a lot of trees, dirt, and hills. Everything I hate with a passion as a self proclaimed city kid. “Where the fuck am I?” I ask to no one as I run my hands through my hair in an anxiety filled tick. I squint at the group of men huddled around their probably dead friend. I can’t see shit but I don’t plan on making any effort on getting closer. 

Upon seeing me get out of my car, the friends of the probably dead man start to yell obscene things in my direction. My eyes still sting from the tears I’m trying to suppress. With a nod of my head I purse my lips as I reenter my car and lock the doors with the push of the same button. The axe is still embedded in the roof and I can now clearly see the slightest hint of the blade. I continue to nod my head as I see the men run towards me. I shift the gear into drive and do a u-turn, I think. There isn’t exactly a road or anything to make a u-turn on. It is easy enough to drive past the men at a reasonable distance. They all stumble as they change direction to run at me again from behind this time. 

The plan was to keep on driving, but now I find myself in the same position of slamming the breaks again as the first person I saw through the portal runs at my car. I was this close in deciding to hit her as well like I did the last guy. This time on purpose. What stops me from doing so is that her weapon is sheathed and her arms are in the air waving frantically. I hear her screaming at the top of her lungs for me to stop and wait. Against my better judgement I stop the car in front of her. She’s heaving for air as she rests her hands on the hood of the car, looking at me with bright red eyes. Her outfit looks disheveled from the fall she took trying to avoid getting hit by a MINI Cooper. The stranger’s white and gold uniform was now covered in grass and dirt stains. I am actively choosing to ignore the red stains since I don’t see any visible cuts on her skin. 

“Please,” her voice is still out of breath, “Oh Great Hero from another world! Please do not run away from me, for I am your ally!” Her words come out in a rush of air as she tries to focus her gaze on me and the group of men steadily making way towards us. I can see her hands flex as she tries to grip the hood of the car, as if she could keep me from moving by holding on tight enough. I must look as confused as I feel because I can slowly see the panic seep into her face. She stumbles for a little bit with her words as if she forgot the speech she had just made up on the spot. “Great Hero would you grace me with your kindness to allow me to explain the situation at hand? I have been waiting for thou to arrive to fulfill the role in our country’s legends! Our country is at the brink of ruin, and thou. . . And thou. . .” Her focus is now strictly on the men coming towards us as if trying to calculate how much time she had left before their onslaught. She slams her gloved hands on the roof of my car, which is rather rude. Her eyes scream with desperation and I am just made more uncomfortable. “If thou can do me the great favor of letting me into your ugh. . . Transportation device. . . I can defend you from the ruffians coming to slaughter us both!” 

There is no point in pretending to consider my options since I have none, so I unlock the door. The strange red haired lady continues to stand there dumbfounded, probably waiting for a response she could understand. I make an effort to quickly open the passenger seat’s door for her to get the point across that I was letting her in. She lets out a breath of relief before quickly hopping into my car and slamming the door shut, which is once again rude. I push the lock button on the car as I stare at her once again. Her eyes really are red and are not brown like mine. I thought it was a trick of the lights of the bright sun outside. Normally I would ask if she was wearing contacts, but I don’t think she would know what that word meant.

She looks at me with the same level of confusion I am feeling in my soul. I do dress rather flamboyantly for a ‘Great Hero’. Today is one of my more casual days as well. I’m only wearing a button up print shirt with a pattern of flamingos on skateboards wearing snapbacks, with polka dot shorts, and black hightop Vans. Along with my totally cool sunglasses. The culture clash is uncanny and kind of funny. 

I can see her starting to panic again as we sat there in silence for a couple of seconds. She breaks first, “Why are we not moving! Does your companion not like me?” fidgeting in her seat she begins to look around the interior of my car.

“You mean my car?” Now I’m just messing with her to calm myself down. “You didn’t put your seatbelt on, I’m not moving until you do.” Now I’m not joking, road safety is important. I look behind us to see the men getting even closer. They sure were taking their time, but maybe I drove a lot farther than I thought. 

She points at my own seatbelt for clarification, so I nod in response. My phone’s speakers start to blare out Oh No! by Marina as the strange lady begins to struggle with her seatbelt. The seatbelt is doing that annoying thing where it gets stuck when you tug too hard. It was on the second harsh tug I decided to lean over and buckle the lady in myself. Now I can drive with less worry. If I’m being honest to myself it doesn’t decrease my worry all that much, just by a smidge.

The enemy is finally upon us when I finally decide it’s time to move, soon enough they become ants again. My newfound companion only stares at me in silence. She is probably trying to figure out what to say and I don’t know if my silence is helping or worrying her further. Five minutes pass before she finally speaks up again, “Thank you Great Hero and Car for helping me escape those ruffians! I owe the both of you my eternal gratitude.” 

Her words are stiff and formal as if she’s testing out the water for bloodthirsty sharks. I can only nod before laughing in a lame attempt to brighten up the mood, “My car is not sentient, but it was no problem. I’m just glad to as far away from that. . . predicament as possible.” I start to slow the car down to around 20 mph upon deciding that we were far enough from our shared enemy. Mostly to avoid roughing up the tires on the terrain considering that there is no highway or road to drive on. This also allows me to be able to look at the stranger in my passenger seat with more proper attention. 

She waves her hand vaguely at my iPhone 8, “Isn’t this. . . Is this not Car’s voice?” referring to the music. I’m glad that Cupcakke isn’t playing right now, since I have Spotify on shuffle. “Also, no offence, but you don’t really look like a thee-and-thou type. Nor do you talk like one.” 

I laugh again which causes the stranger to visibly relax her shoulders a bit. “No this is not the car’s voice. Consider it to be like a recording of a famous singer that I’m able to replay whenever I want. Both my phone and car are machines with no souls or minds.” 

The stranger nods along to my words as if she understands what I’m saying before continuing, “Excuse my rudeness for not asking sooner, but what is your name Great Hero?”

I wave off her apology since it isn’t really a big deal. We were both just in a near death experience after all. I turn my head slightly towards her, while keeping my eyes on the road, to show her that she has my attention. “My name is Castus, and you are?”

“My name is Anna and I am the leading commander of the Order of Heroes! Please allow me to start from the beginning as to why we’re both in this ‘car’ right now!” 

I nod in response to be kind. In reality I’m thinking about kissing my future psychology degree goodbye. All this talk about Great Heroes, who the fuck knows how long I’ll be here. Or if I’m going home ever. Anna begins her tangent on the lore of Askr and I glance down at the clock on the dashboard. It’s only seven forty-five; god what a world.

**Author's Note:**

> the car is now being kept in a garage at the castle. anna uses it for her money making schemes obvs. the car is also run by magic now, no i will not explain how.


End file.
